Showing posts with label Funday Monday. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funday Monday. Show all posts
Apr 13, 2009
Apr 6, 2009
I Have a Real Dislike For Call Centres!
This epitomises a typical call centre...I believe!
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India. The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it , you cannot qualify for this job".
Mujibar said, "I am ready".
The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow , Pink and Green".
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister manager, I am ready".
The manager said, "Go ahead".
Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, Yellow this is Mujibar".
Mujibar now works at a call centre. No doubt you have spoken to him.
Mujibar was trying to get a job in India. The Personnel Manager said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it , you cannot qualify for this job".
Mujibar said, "I am ready".
The manager said, "Make a sentence using the words Yellow , Pink and Green".
Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister manager, I am ready".
The manager said, "Go ahead".
Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, and I pink it up, and say, Yellow this is Mujibar".
Mujibar now works at a call centre. No doubt you have spoken to him.
Footnote: I am in no way racist - I just thought it was really funny!
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Next up is a group hug for every who has the Monday blues!!
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Just a little note also to say that I am sending out item #2 for the accessory circle today. If you haven't joined but want to it is a internationally (worldwide!!) and the details can be found by clicking the "Accessory Cirle" label over on the right hand side --------------------------->
Mar 30, 2009
The Not So Funday Monday
I’m seriously lacking material of any kind of substance today! Feeling tired (I swear, the one hour we lost yesterday appears to have really upset me!
I may petition for duvet days at work! I think 4 per year should suffice! I’m not sure they could say no to be quite honest. On a day like today I’m not exactly the most productive person in the prison camp.
How Smart is Your Right Foot?
This is funny and you’ll become addicted to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't.
Your foot will change direction.
I told you so ......And there's nothing you can do about it.
A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that “she looks extremely beautiful when her lips are closed”.
Most therapists claim they can help homosexuals to restrict their gayness to weekends only, according to new research.
In a survey 97% of mental health professionals said that if a patient came to them asking to be made less gay or not gay at all, they would be more than happy to sign them up for an introductory period of 48 weekly sessions.
Therapist Dr Bill McKay said: "My programme of weekend gayness allows many people to control their Monday to Friday perversions leaving them free to enjoy playful office banter about bums and titties”.
"In order to control the gayness I show them pictures of naked ladies, sometimes on all fours with a sexy, come-hither look on their face, sometimes with legs akimbo. I then ask the patient if he is experiencing erections.
Of course, we can't cure people overnight and in the vast majority of cases it takes years and years and years - and years - of weekly therapy at £150 an hour. It sounds like a lot, but as I always tell them, you can't put a price this kind of therapy!
Hung Chow calls into work and says, “hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work”. The boss says,
“you know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that”.
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. “I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon........You got nice house”.
____________________________
Extra “me” stuff that doesn’t warrant a whole post!
- Got up at 6:30 again today. This together with the lost hour from yesterday has actually killed me and I may sneak under my desk (it’s sort of a massive “U” shape a one side…hang on….I’m going to draw you a diagram!!
I may petition for duvet days at work! I think 4 per year should suffice! I’m not sure they could say no to be quite honest. On a day like today I’m not exactly the most productive person in the prison camp.
So, for Funday Monday I will provide a snippet of some of the classic emails I have received today! If I knew how to snapshot them I would...but I can't...so I wont!
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How Smart is Your Right Foot?
This is funny and you’ll become addicted to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't.
1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand.
Your foot will change direction.
I told you so ......And there's nothing you can do about it.
____________________________
A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that “she looks extremely beautiful when her lips are closed”.
____________________________
Most therapists claim they can help homosexuals to restrict their gayness to weekends only, according to new research.
In a survey 97% of mental health professionals said that if a patient came to them asking to be made less gay or not gay at all, they would be more than happy to sign them up for an introductory period of 48 weekly sessions.
Therapist Dr Bill McKay said: "My programme of weekend gayness allows many people to control their Monday to Friday perversions leaving them free to enjoy playful office banter about bums and titties”.
"In order to control the gayness I show them pictures of naked ladies, sometimes on all fours with a sexy, come-hither look on their face, sometimes with legs akimbo. I then ask the patient if he is experiencing erections.
Of course, we can't cure people overnight and in the vast majority of cases it takes years and years and years - and years - of weekly therapy at £150 an hour. It sounds like a lot, but as I always tell them, you can't put a price this kind of therapy!
____________________________
Hung Chow calls into work and says, “hey, I no come work today, I really sick. Got headache, stomach ache and legs hurt, I no come work”. The boss says,
“you know something, Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I go to work. You try that”.
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again. “I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon........You got nice house”.
____________________________
Extra “me” stuff that doesn’t warrant a whole post!
- Got up at 6:30 again today. This together with the lost hour from yesterday has actually killed me and I may sneak under my desk (it’s sort of a massive “U” shape a one side…hang on….I’m going to draw you a diagram!!
So, as you can see I could probably get in the “blind spot” (the filing cabinets are under the desk) with my sleeping bag and no-one would notice! What do you reckon my chances are??
P.S I hope you liked the drawing!
P.S I hope you liked the drawing!
P.P.S Sorry about the smudges!
P.P.P.S Yeah, I know I'm not that great an artist!
Mar 23, 2009
Not as Funny as Last Weeks Funday Monday
Today, courtesy of my Funday Monday, I pay homage to the old people trying to stay young!
I for one find it quite difficult to comprehend that I will get old and wrinkly like my grandparents once were. Can you imagine our current twenty-something generation all old and saggy? No, I think not! All tattoos (check), piercing (check) and body modifications (I saw a TV programme on this…ahhh! No check.). With our fashionable clothes, expensive handbags and high heels (and that’s just the boys!)? To pay off our debts we’ll clearly be working the pole into our 100s (as people seem to be living longer these days too). Nothing wrong with working the pole BTW, I would definitely do it if I had the nerve! My god, I am seriously distractible today!
Anyway, old people seem to be getting quite confused about what to wear / what not to wear! Oddly enough this has been on my mind for a while!
Contrary to what you may have seen on the streets (I feel quite “street” saying that – but I’m far from it. Is that a good or a bad thing? I digress. It is not okay to do the following:
I for one find it quite difficult to comprehend that I will get old and wrinkly like my grandparents once were. Can you imagine our current twenty-something generation all old and saggy? No, I think not! All tattoos (check), piercing (check) and body modifications (I saw a TV programme on this…ahhh! No check.). With our fashionable clothes, expensive handbags and high heels (and that’s just the boys!)? To pay off our debts we’ll clearly be working the pole into our 100s (as people seem to be living longer these days too). Nothing wrong with working the pole BTW, I would definitely do it if I had the nerve! My god, I am seriously distractible today!
Anyway, old people seem to be getting quite confused about what to wear / what not to wear! Oddly enough this has been on my mind for a while!
Contrary to what you may have seen on the streets (I feel quite “street” saying that – but I’m far from it. Is that a good or a bad thing? I digress. It is not okay to do the following:
- Wear ankle bracelets and corn pads
- Wear miniskirts and support hose
- Don speedos with cellulite
- Have spiked hair and bald spots
- Get a belly button ring and show your gall bladder surgery scar
- Wear unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor
- Sport your midriff shirts and a midriff bulge
- Wear bikinis and liver spots
- Wear mini skirts and varicose veins
- Use inline skates and a Zimmer
My final point needs to be that there definitely comes a time where you have to hang-up your ripped daisy-duke hot pants!
BY THE WAY if you haven't seen my last couple of posts, check them out HERE and HERE, because it’s super and uber cool and the bestest thing ever and you need to join in. It’s my 100% excellent recession busting plan (that, like I’ve said before, I cannot believe the government have never thought of. They’ll catch on soon though – like they did with my idea to print more money!). JOIN IN (or I’ll tell you how much you suck. Well I wont, but I’ll say I did!).
Mar 16, 2009
Funday Monday
I am eternal hater of Mondays. I get severe Monday morning blues and dread everything related to Monday (apart from the secret embarassing pleasure that is 90210!).
Following today's, apparently, popular post I am declaring Monday fun-day and so I shall make a post along these lines every Monday - I'll try and do it before I leave for work on a Monday so it's online by the time you crazy bunch get up...in case you're feeling the Monday morning blues and need a pick-me-up!!
Here's to the next fun-day Monday!! x
Following today's, apparently, popular post I am declaring Monday fun-day and so I shall make a post along these lines every Monday - I'll try and do it before I leave for work on a Monday so it's online by the time you crazy bunch get up...in case you're feeling the Monday morning blues and need a pick-me-up!!
Here's to the next fun-day Monday!! x
Tips for Women
1 It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job.
2 It is important that a man makes you laugh.
3 It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you.
4 It is important that a man loves you and spoils you.
5 It is important that these four men don't know each other.
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